The Porkydex

I'm using the National numbering system until something better comes along - still seems like the evolutions should be in sequence with each other, though.

#1- Bulbasaur - We begin our long list of Pokeworld denizens with Bulbasaur, a fairly ordinary and common type. The Bulba-girl shown here has a mysterious craving for meat buns- you might even call it a monkey on her back. For some reason, their shape just calls out to her budding appetite, causing it to blossom into a hunger so strong she took a job waitressing in a restaurant that specializes in them so she could indulge herself at a discount. As they say, indulgance leads to bulgance, or something like that.

#10- Caterpie - This larval Pokemon requires massive energy to evolve. As a result, she'll typically spend the months leading up to her transformation gorging herself on leaves in order to put on as much weight as possible.

#24- Arbok - One of the Pokemon world's more predatory species, Arbok possess a hypnotic stare which they use to lure prey into their clutches. This subject is typical of the species -having swallowed so much prey that she can scarely drag her bulk along, she uses her gaze to bring even more victims to her slavering maw. A session such as this is often followed by a nap that can last weeks or even months.

#39- Jigglypuff - Idol singer Jiggli-P was waifish when her career began, but her audience soon learned of her love of sweets and sent her mountains of cakes and candy in an outpouring of fattening affection. Jiggli-P, always dedicated to her fans, felt obligated to eat each and each offering-- or was that just an excuse? Either way, her fans have remained devoted to her, and sales were high for her second album, "Jiggli-P: Jigglier and Puffier."

#41- Zubat - Nocturnal by nature, Zubat often frequent cliff side nightclubs. This particular specimen is a twentysomething with an obvious penchant for Bloody Marys, a favorite of this Pokemon type.

#43- Oddish - Oddish, the youngest form of a respected Pokemon family, spend most of the day sleeping and growing and the night wandering in search of a better spot to take root. One who finds a vein of rich soil early, as this young lady has done, has little to do but snooze as she grows plump and nourished.

#50- Diglett - They may be known as stewards of the forest, but to gardeners on the Pokemon world, they're pests! Farmers have been known to set elaborate traps for produce-stealing Diglett girls, but the most effective trap is still their own appetite. Visit the fields early on any day in harvest season and you may find a chubby Diglett whose night's pilfering has left her too bloated to squeeze back into her burrow. The traditional punishment, our agricultural experts tell us, is a firm spanking.

#54- Psyduck - Of all the species on the Pokemon world, Psyduck are the most susceptible to chocoholism. A common site in bars and dorms is a young Psy-girl, having eaten herself into an enraptured sugar-stupor the night before, waking up with a pounding hangover, a sugarcoated tongue, and a telling tightness to her clothes.

#56- Mankey - Extremist right-wing Grass-type supremecists used to claim that Normal-types were of subnormal intelligence. Their evidence? A series of studies on Mankey showing that they got low scores on primate intelligence tests in which proper answers were rewarded with bananas. No one could find a flaw in the testing until a young Mankey named Mankiki received a perfect score over her week-long session - and came out of the testing chamber forty-five kilograms heavier than when she'd entered. Thus the trick came to light - the tests were so easy that the other Mankey had quickly become burstingly full of bananas and started intentionally picking wrong answers to spare their stomachs. Only Mankiki was gluttonous enough to down every banana, and so uncover the charlatans.

#69- Bellsprout - The human monks of Bellsprout Tower give care to all in need, especially Bellsprout, of course. Whether they're original or anthropomorphized, they can always find a helping hand. This Bellsprout girl was an orphan, lost, alone and hungry, until the monks took her in and fed her. Years of adequate nutrition have made her a fleshy, well-fed young woman with a sprouting belly (among other things). In fact, she may need to move out soon, as the monks are being increasingly tempted away from their vows of chastity.

#78- Rapidash - One of the great benefits of Pokemon society is that far fewer specialty machines are needed - there's always a person with the correct adaptation to do a certain job. Rapidash, for instance, have the great strength to pull heavy loads, and the lightning speed that leads them to excel in the delivery field. As shown here, those with a big appetite for grass can apply their hebivorous nature to lawn care as well, provided they don't sweat the extra pounds.

#81- Magnemite - A Pokemon with environmental benefits- imagine how big the junkheaps would be without Magnemites to digest and recycle scrap metals! But some of them are a bit too enthusiastic - this Magnemite girl has had to be disciplined for overloading her hopper so much on a single trip that her axle snapped from the weight. Seems like she hasn't learned her lesson, though.

#83- Farfetch'd - The meat of these fowl is said to be the most sweet and tender of all the Pokemon. Unscrupulous gourmets have been known to lure naive Farfetch'd girls with promises of free feasts, no strings attached - then encourage them to gorge themselves until they're fat and juicy enough to be cooked.

#86- Seel - While city-dwelling Seel sometimes conform to urban tastes, rural Seel villagers still values a layer of blubber perfect for insulation when lying on ice floes. A properly padded girl, like the one shown here, can stay out all day.

#88- Grimer - A Poison-type with a taste for sewage, Grimers live under the city, where they feast on the chemicals, garbage, and et cetera detritus of a concentrated population. This tireless young woman isn't just a glutton, oh no - she's an environmental hero who vows to keep our rivers free of run-off, no matter HOW much weight she puts on. As a safety measure, however, she's had an emergency depressurizer valve added in case of acute overfilling.

#92- Gastly - Stories tell of a Gastly who formed a strong bond with a human trainer who was raising her up to compete in the Little Slowking's annual pizza-eating contest. Alas, when she couldn't manage to cram in the ten pizzas necessary to qualify, the cad tossed her Pokeball down a well and hooked up with the first Snorlax lass he could find. Ever after, the poor abandoned Gastly girl would haunt the well, trying to eat her way through ten pizzas in the hopes of winning back her trainer's support, and bursting into tears when she just couldn't manage more than nine. And there she is to this day, so they say, growing ever fatter on her junk-food diet, but never breaking her eternal record.

#94- Gengar - Gengar, a phenomenally strong Ghost-type, often have the characters of poltergeists. This hedonistic specimen has lodged herself in Bellsprout Tower and resists all attempted exorcisms by the priestesses. Whatever they try, she simply smirks and continues her program of bathing in the pond, stealing food from the kitchens, and showing far too much skin at funeral services. These women have their work cut out for them - judging by the roll of ectoplasm oozing over this Gen-girl's waistband, "exorcize" is a foreign concept to her.

#104- Cubone - Often called the loneliest Pokemon, Cubone have a strong need for companionship. As seen here, they can become deeply depressed without attention, and end up lying about in their panties scoffing massive amounts of chocolates.

#109- Koffing - The majority of Pokemon end up marrying within their species, or at least within their type. While social pressure against intertype dating isn't generally very significant, there can be certain physical problems, as in the case of this Koffing, Nikki, and her girlfriend, a Sunflora that wilted under the prolonged effects of the poison fumes. For love, Nikki was willing to undergo the surgical de-smoking procedure that would enable them to remain together, and she remains happy with the results, despite the weight-gain resulting from going cold turkey.

#128- Tauros - The cowboys and cowgirls of the Pokemon world, Tauros are rough-and-tumble lovers of the outdoors and of celebration. They enjoy hard work and hard play, and during the off-season sometimes go slightly to pot from hedonism.

#129- Magikarp - No Pokemon are more desperate to evolve than the famously incompetent Magikarp. They often dream of the day they'll become Gyarados - and some aren't content to wait. This poor woman has fallen victim to a shyster's promise that the gruel he sold her would hasten evolution - alas, the only result of stuffing herself with this combination of 99,999 parts oatmeal and lard to 1 part Rare Candy has been the enormous fattening of her gawky frame.

#133- Eevee - A Pokemon's evolution is almost always a major life change. For rural Eevee in the southern islands, evolution marks their passage into adulthood. When a young Eevee such as Evelyn (pictured here) reaches maturity, she or he climbs naked to the top of Meta Mount to sit at the Small Table of Choice and consume one of three evolution-stone imbued dishes to trigger the change. For Evelyn, the choice is an especially important one, as she hopes to enter the Pokemon Contests, and her final form will determine what her adult abilities are.

#134- Vaporeon - No matter what path Evelyn chooses, her final form will reflect the fact that she's naturally pudgy. But if she chooses to drink the high-calorie Water Shake, her baby-fat genes will go wild. Only growing a few centimeters in height during evolution, she'll blimp up to more than thrice her original weight, eventually becoming so fat she'll have difficulty moving on land. Fortunately, water is what a Vaporeon craves anyway, and this round and jolly form will enable her to frolic her way to high marks in the Cute category.

#135- Jolteon - Thunder Root will result in a curvy Evelyn as well, but while Vaporeon is shaped like a ball, Jolteon has an hourglass figure, with weight concentrated in the breasts and hips. She also towers over her wetter sister. With her succulent belly-dancer figure, Evelyn could score well in the Beauty category.

#136- Flareon - Taller than statuesque Jolteon and heavier than bloated Vaporeon, Flareon is simply massive. If Evelyn consumes the Fire Steak, she can look forward to growing iron muscles under her fat, enabling her to pick up and move huge slabs of stone. This behemoth is a shoo-in for a prize in the Tough category.

#183- Marill - During puberty, when her tail is filling with the greasy liquid it uses as a floatation aid, a Marill teenager will experience powerful cravings for oily food. The hormonal swings are often so strong a Marill will gorge herself on far more grease than she needs, saturating not only her tail-gland, but every part of her body, until she's so full of it she sweats it out like water. Marill parents often celebrate a child's coming-of-age by buying new furniture to replace what's been ruined.

#185- Sudowoodo - A Rock-type which mimics Grass-types, Sudowoodo aren't known for their honestly or their willingness to confess when caught in a fib. This behavior can be taken to exasperating extremes, as the hapless salesgirl shown here can attest.

#195- Quagsire - On a hot day, this Water/Ground type is right at home lolling about playfully in a muddy swamp.

#198- Murkrow - Dwelling in the forests and swamps, many traditional Murkrow seem to be relics of the eldritch past. Some even practice dark witchcraft. Corvina, the young witch seen here, specializes in brewing up potions to sell to the nearby villages. In a typical concocting session, she may taste-test her way through nearly half a cauldron-full of fizzing thaumaturgic goo, a practice which has given her the tradition witch's "brew gut". Also, the traditional witch's tendency to belch frogs and centipedes.

#215- Sneasel - These sneaky Pokemon love fresh-layed Pidgey eggs, and never miss a chance to raid the nests. It works especially well when a very stupid Pidgey is discovered who lays batch after batch of eggs to be eaten.

#217- Ursaring - The popularity of honey bars has recently become a prominent social issue. Critics complain that the mind-altering sweetness of the honey and the cramped, fire-unsafe conditions of the clubs themselves are a recipe for disaster, pointing to a recent incident that could have turned tragic. Clubber Wendy DePew, 23, an Ursaring described as "full-figured", tried to leave the Club Hot Pot after bingeing on over thirty gallon mugs of honey and became wedged in the entryway. The dazed woman was led in yoga-robics until she slimmed down enough to be extricated, but had she farted, the inside of the club could have become an airtight deathtrap.

#238- Smoochum - This precursor to the Jynx form is young and curious, with a pronounced oral fixation. Smoochum explore new sensations orally, and have a tendency to eat up any free samples that are put out.

#256- Combusken - Agricultural workers in the Pokemon world work hard, and Combusken farmgirls don't just take the eggs to market, they produce them themselves! Thanks to generations of self-selecting for a high yield, the typical egg layer has to go about her daily chores while swollen with several dozen, but because of her hardy disposition, she isn't slowed down much.

#279- Pelipper - A few years ago, the Council for Truth in Limericks commissioned a study to investigate whether a Pelipper's beak really can hold more than her belly can. Scientists constructed a special measuring chair and, surprisingly, had little trouble finding a volunteer to have herself stuffed to near-bursting with fish daily for 500 trials. Although well-funded, the experiment had to be scrapped after only 226 trials when the volunteer grew too fat for the equipment. The CTL dropped the investigation and is currently looking into the case of the Mankey from Nantucket.

#294- Loudred - Emma DeSybll has had a love of heavy metal and punk since she was a Whismur, and when she evolved into Loudred her talents ripened and she received a major contract. Rock may be dead (no matter what the Grateful Geodude say), but Emma took to sex and drugs with a manic enthusiasm - said drugs being immense quantities of beer and Pokeblocks. The lifestyle has left her, in the words of a bandmate, "a tub of booze weight", but despite the fact that her pants are held together with safety pins for reasons other than image, she maintains a tremendous energy on stage (and with her eager groupies) that belies her girth. Her Butterfree tattoo may be stretched out of shape, but to her thousands of fans, she's the porky princess of punk.

#300- Skitty - One of the world's most popular pets! Skitty often beg for food, and it's said that you can tell how softhearted an owner is by looking at the Skitty's midsection. This one's been getting plenty of food and table scraps besides.

#363- Spheal - Lounging on slabs of ice might not seem like a fun time, but Spheal have such a thick layer of blubber that it's perfectly comfortable. The ideal figure in Spheal society is a perfect sphere, which denotes skill both at fishing and at lazing about.

Copyright © 2004 Stephen Sakurai. All rights reserved. Contact Stephen at Opossum999@aol.com